Oyster Tech. How’s That For A Name?

OysterTech?I SAT DOWN AT THE COMPUTER the other day – had a lot of things to do, and I got excited about it. I suddenly felt like – with the internet – the world was my oyster!

I’ve been trying to come up with a name for the blog, and I thought – Oyster Tech. Tech Oyster. Something to do with oysters. Maybe the Net Is Your Oyster.

Later, I pitched the idea to one of my friends.

Me: So what do you think?

My Friend: People eat em. They have pearls in them. How about calling it “Pearl Necklace”?

Me: I don’t think so.

My Friend: How about Tuna?

Me: What does Tuna have to do it?

My Friend: Oysters, Pearls, Tuna. They all go together.

Me: This is a TECH blog. Listen, there is this guy, Seth Godin, he made this site that is really big and called it Squidoo, like Squids. If he can use a Squid and make it big, why can’t I use an Oyster? I mean, how many people would you have thought would go to a Squid site?

My Friend: I would think no one. Of course people aren’t interested in the things I’m interested in – eating and sleeping. And in that order.

Me: I think everyone is interested in eating and sleeping.

My Friend: But I mean only. Those are my only interests in life. How about the Lollapalooza of Technology? I bet that hasn’t been used.

Me: Lollapalooza? You gotta be kidding. How about Tunapalooza? Oysterpalooza?

My Friend: You like it now, don’t you? See, you were going to make fun of it and now you like it.

Me: I kind of like Tunapalooza. It kind of rhymes. Rolls off your tongue.

My Friend: How about something like pillow talk? Computer Pillow Talk. Soft and Sexy Software. Now Let Me Tell You About My Hard Drive.

Me: You can’t name a blog that, it’s obscene.

My Friend: You could have a pillow with a computer on top of it. Or a woman in bed with a computer. Sex sells, you know.

Me: Uh, yeah. NO.

My Friend: Here’s one from another genre – since we’re talking about books. Psycho Computer.

Me: How about something else? …..   ……   …….   Hello?

My Friend: Wait, sometimes it takes me a minute, you know. Computers on Mars. Sci-fi genre. I think my great ideas are drying up. Fabio holding a computer for romance? Or we could do hip hop- how about Ice Computer – no that’s out-of-date. Beat Box Computer? Boom Box Computer. I dunno.

Me: Maybe that’s not our best genre to work with.

My Friend: Well, they might have hip hop books. Maybe a hip hop instruction manual.

Me: Right.

My Friend: Ok, I’m thinking. Classical. Beethoven’s 5th Computer Online. How about Bach-Tech? Brahms Computer Lullaby? CSI – Computer Scene Investigator. Hey that’s not a bad idea! Or Computer Scene Interpreter. Wait, CSI might be trademarked.

Me: Let’s try this: What do you think of the internet? What is it to you?

My Friend: What is it to me? A place to look stuff up.

Me: What kind of stuff?

My Friend: How to spell Scott Baio’s name, for instance.

Me: What else?

My Friend: I use Mapquest when I need directions, and Amazon when I need books.

Me: WHAT???

My Friend: Ooh, was that a bad thing to say? Sometimes I look up menus to restaurants. It’s my eat-and-sleep thing, y’know. A pilgrim oyster and a saddle oyster are sitting in a bar. An oyster bar.

Me: What possible blog name can come of this?

My Friend: I know! How about Lobsterpalooza?

Me: I think you need to go eat some seafood.

My Friend: How about Lobster Tech? Techazorus Rex? Techomamus? Geektrology? Geekometry? Geek Mythology? Geek2geek? I’m on a roll. Cool Geek World – Only Cool Geeks Allowed. If you are not a cool geek, don’t read this blog. Send me your picture, and I’ll let you know. How about Twrestling? That’s arm wrestling while playing Tetris.

Me: Are you serious?

My Friend: Well, I don’t whether I’m serious or not, but its on the the TV show. Geek Tweak, Geek Squeak. Not For The Geek at Heart. Instead of the weak. That was a play on words.

Me: I got it.

My Friend: Geeks R Us. No, that’s been used, I’m sure. A Geek a Week. Tweak Your Geek. No, that one sounds obscene, too. The Leaky Geek – for Geeks who are incontinent. You know what a Geek really is? A Geek is someone who bites the heads off of live chickens in real life.

Me: It is?

My Friend: Yes it is. Didn’t you know that little-known fact? Or maybe it’s a well-known fact. They did it in carnivals. How about Chicken Tech? Or Chickren Tech. Why don’t you title your blog “Do you know what geek really means?” Maybe people wouldn’t be so proud to call themselves a geek if they knew. But maybe Webster changed the meaning to include that, too.

Me: Are you serious?

My Friend: Well maybe! Look it up! I might be serious – if it’s true.

Me: So basically, you just made that up?

My Friend: No, sometimes they DO amend things.

Me: I don’t think I want it to be Geek anything now.

My Friend: Why? You got something against chickens? I wouldn’t want to be a chicken performer. But didn’t Ozzie Osborne do something like that with bats?

Me: Oh, gross! I don’t know. Why would anybody want a chicken head in their mouth?

My Friend: They did it to make money. I don’t know who would pay to see that, but apparently someone did. How about Jill’s Blog? I like that!

Me: I need to get the header made, and they’ll need to know the name. If it had oyster in it, they would know to put an oyster on it.

My Friend: Aren’t oysters aphrodisiacs?

Me: Yes.

My Friend: Well there you go. Aphrodisiacs R Us.

Me: What does that have to do with computers?

My Friend: I don’t know. I’m watching the Big Bang theory on TV and they’re in a computer store.

Me: OMG! And they say the INTERNET is a time waster! Well, listen, I’ll let you get back to your TV show. Thanks for your help.

My Friend: Anytime. Glad to be of service.

Ozzie Osborne and Geeks

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    • Dee
    • August 28, 2008

    I can’t stop laughing!

    • Greg
    • October 30, 2008

    Personally, I like “Geektrology.” Or maybe Geektopia?

    That was very well done, thanks. 🙂

    • x33a
    • April 9, 2011

    Damn, after reading the different definitions of a geek, i too am opting out from calling myself one.

    Thanks 😛

    • Janey
    • September 2, 2021

    Techasaurus (no Rex, or Techasaurus Net) , Geek-ology (with or without hyphen)
    God I think if I’m ever in the same room with you 2, I’m just going to sit on the floor, cuz I’m going to end rofl anyway

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